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untanglingwebs
El Supremo
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Three women from the 1st Ward denounced Mays for gaslighting among other charges such as verbal abuse of council women
Stephanie A. Sarkis Ph.D.
Here, There, and Everywhere
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11 Warning Signs of Gaslighting
Gaslighting is a manipulation tactic used to gain power. And it works too well.
Posted Jan 22, 2017
Gaslighting is a tactic in which a person or entity, in order to gain more power, makes a victim question their reality. It works much better than you may think. Anyone is susceptible to gaslighting, and it is a common technique of abusers, dictators, narcissists, and cult leaders. It is done slowly, so the victim doesn't realize how much they've been brainwashed. For example, in the movie Gaslight (1944), a man manipulates his wife to the point where she thinks she is losing her mind.
In my book Gaslighting: Recognize Manipulative and Emotionally Abusive People - and Break Free I detail how gaslighters typically use the following techniques:
1. They tell blatant lies.
You know it's an outright lie. Yet they are telling you this lie with a straight face. Why are they so blatant? Because they're setting up a precedent. Once they tell you a huge lie, you're not sure if anything they say is true. Keeping you unsteady and off-kilter is the goal.
2. They deny they ever said something, even though you have proof.
You know they said they would do something; you know you heard it. But they out and out deny it. It makes you start questioning your reality—maybe they never said that thing. And the more they do this, the more you question your reality and start accepting theirs.
3. They use what is near and dear to you as ammunition.
They know how important your kids are to you, and they know how important your identity is to you. So those may be one of the first things they attack. If you have kids, they tell you that you should not have had those children. They will tell you'd be a worthy person if only you didn't have a long list of negative traits. They attack the foundation of your being.
4. They wear you down over time.
This is one of the insidious things about gaslighting—it is done gradually, over time. A lie here, a lie there, a snide comment every so often...and then it starts ramping up. Even the brightest, most self-aware people can be sucked into gaslighting—it is that effective. It's the "frog in the frying pan" analogy: The heat is turned up slowly, so the frog never realizes what's happening to it.
5. Their actions do not match their words.
When dealing with a person or entity that gaslights, look at what they are doing rather than what they are saying. What they are saying means nothing; it is just talk. What they are doing is the issue.
6. They throw in positive reinforcement to confuse you.
This person or entity that is cutting you down, telling you that you don't have value, is now praising you for something you did. This adds an additional sense of uneasiness. You think, "Well maybe they aren't so bad." Yes, they are. This is a calculated attempt to keep you off-kilter—and again, to question your reality. Also look at what you were praised for; it is probably something that served the gaslighter.
7. They know confusion weakens people.
Gaslighters know that people like having a sense of stability and normalcy. Their goal is to uproot this and make you constantly question everything. And humans' natural tendency is to look to the person or entity that will help you feel more stable—and that happens to be the gaslighter.
8. They project.
They are a drug user or a cheater, yet they are constantly accusing you of that. This is done so often that you start trying to defend yourself, and are distracted from the gaslighter's own behavior.
9. They try to align people against you.
Gaslighters are masters at manipulating and finding the people they know will stand by them no matter what—and they use these people against you. They will make comments such as, "This person knows that you're not right," or "This person knows you're useless too." Keep in mind it does not mean that these people actually said these things. A gaslighter is a constant liar. When the gaslighter uses this tactic it makes you feel like you don't know who to trust or turn to—and that leads you right back to the gaslighter. And that's exactly what they want: Isolation gives them more control.
10. They tell you or others that you are crazy.
This is one of the most effective tools of the gaslighter, because it's dismissive. The gaslighter knows if they question your sanity, people will not believe you when you tell them the gaslighter is abusive or out-of-control. It's a master technique.
11. They tell you everyone else is a liar.
By telling you that everyone else (your family, the media) is a liar, it again makes you question your reality. You've never known someone with the audacity to do this, so they must be telling the truth, right? No. It's a manipulation technique. It makes people turn to the gaslighter for the "correct" information—which isn't correct information at all.
The more you are aware of these techniques, the quicker you can identify them and avoid falling into the gaslighter's trap. |
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Sat Jan 26, 2019 11:34 am |
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untanglingwebs
El Supremo
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Terry Bankert t
QUESTION ABOUT WOMENS RIGHTS . The Women on the Flint City Council are being subjected to extreme verbal abuse by Eric Mays. At the last council committee several female members of his Ward stood up with signs to protest his abuse of these women. His behavior should not be tolerated by anybody to include me. What process of protest and accountability would you suggest.
Specifically I am talking about Eva Worthing and Monica Woods Galloway, Kate Fields . |
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Sat Jan 26, 2019 2:02 pm |
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untanglingwebs
El Supremo
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Terry Bankert
Is verbal abuse and threats based on gender sexual harassment. If so does the city of flint have a policy that would be violated. If there is a policy would it apply when a male City Council Person abuses a female flint city council person. Is there an argument to refer these questions to the city atty and human relations director. |
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Sat Jan 26, 2019 5:35 pm |
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untanglingwebs
El Supremo
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The current City Attorney was an Assistant Attorney under former City Attorney Trachelle Young. Young addressed these concerns when President Johnny Coleman allowed Mays 42 minutes to vilify individuals and was harassing appointees and citizens. Worthing asked the City Attorney why she sat there and did nothing when Mays was verbally attacking Fields and Worthing in counsel.
The Genesee County Clerks wiped out all PPO's even non-domestic, even those some did not apply to the law they cited. Mays has a history of PPO's and TRO's one which was a felony |
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Sat Jan 26, 2019 5:50 pm |
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00SL2
F L I N T O I D
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quote:
untanglingwebs schreef:
The Genesee County Clerks wiped out all PPO's even non-domestic, even those some did not apply to the law they cited. Mays has a history of PPO's and TRO's one which was a felony
PPO's aren't available online. Check details in person at clerk's office. |
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Thu Jan 31, 2019 4:56 pm |
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untanglingwebs
El Supremo
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Already have and they forwarded a law to me. I read the law and I don't see how it applies to everything they made nonpublic. It may not save women's lives, especially since you can buy a report and find almost everybody. Former councilman Kerry Nelson and I both filed non-domestic PPO's against the same person. Both were political in nature and boh are now nonpublic which is really stupid. Kerry ( a male) has been on TV and is hardly hiding. I worked in City hall and was not hiding.
Many years ago working with the Domestic Violence Task Force, it was a major job to go to my classes at U of M and help sort through nearly 1200 pages of assault cases in an attempt to sort out the domestic violence cases. Thankfully the office was close The police are now supposed to report these cases separately But after a young girl who worked at the radio station was in a domestic issue with her cop boyfriend, her experience was similar to those of he women I interviewed. I then found cases of officers assaulting their partners and the Prosecutor's office had no records of them until after I filed a FOIA. Even the City Attorney left out some information that was required. It was ironic that the Chief of Police at that time had his wife file for protection just before she filed for divorce. She cited multiple incidents,one involving a gun. The Chief sets the tone for the department. |
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Thu Jan 31, 2019 8:23 pm |
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untanglingwebs
El Supremo
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Terry Bankert to PEOPLE OF FLINT MICHIGAN
7 hrs ·
CIVILITY
I propose that a Civility in Local, State,and Federal Government Movement begin. I am bringing 45 badges [make your own] that just say "Civility" to the Michigan Democratic Party Call to Convention 9.A.M.Saturday, February 2 2019. Cobo Hall Center in Detroit. In Flint we are suffering, victemized and humiliated by the incivility of Flint Municipal Government Elected Officials. We are a national laughing stock because of the actions of these elected leaders. There is also a sinister gender based harassment, verbal and emotional abuse with physical intimidation by one male Flint City Councilman against 3 female members of the Flint City Council. This has been tolerated too long and ends now. Posted here by Terry Bankert former Flint Ombudsman. |
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Sat Feb 02, 2019 6:32 am |
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untanglingwebs
El Supremo
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Terry Bankert is at Terry R. Bankert P.C. Family Law and Bankruptcy Discussions.
1 hr · Flint, MI ·
CIVILITY- The Lack of should not be tolerated. When in Civility is weaponized participatory democracy is at stake . Act because debate is stifled, opinions not heard, our elected officials are harassed, abused and intimidated. When these results are gender based on occasion as they are in Flint it is time to show up stand up speak up and act.Gross incivility must be challenged!( Terry Bankert former Flint Ombudsman) |
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Sat Feb 02, 2019 6:49 am |
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