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Dave Starr
F L I N T O I D
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You might be a cop iffffff:
You have the bladder capacity of five people.
You have ever restrained someone and it was not a sexual experience.
You believe that 50% of people are a waste of good air.
Your idea of a good time is an armed robbery and a car chase.
You conduct a criminal record check on anyone who seems friendly towards you.
Discussing dismemberment over a meal seems perfectly normal to you.
You find humor in other people's stupidity.
You believe in the aerial spraying of Prozac and birth control pills.
You disbelieve 90% of what you hear and 75% of what you see.
You have your weekends off planned for a year.
You believe the government should require a permit to reproduce.
You believe that unspeakable evils will befall you if anyone says, "Boy, it sure is quiet tonight."
A little "stick time" has nothing to do with baseball.
(Can you say "TAZER"???)
You refer to your favorite restaurant by the intersection at which its located.
You have ever wanted to hold a seminar entitled: "Suicide...getting it right the first time."
You have ever had to put the phone on hold before you begin laughing uncontrollably.
You believe the Watch Sgt. is a crap magnet possessed by a demon.
Your favorite hallucinogen is exhaustion.
You think caffeine should be available in IV form.
The person you're speaking with states, "That's not mine. I have no idea how that got there."
You believe anyone who says, "I only had two beers" is going to blow more than a .15 .
You find out a lot about paranoia just by following people around.
People flag you down on the street and ask you directions to strange places.
You can discuss where you are going to eat with your partner while standing over a dead body.
You are the only person introduced at social gatherings by profession.
You walk into places and people think it's high comedy to seize their buddy and shout, "They've come to get you, Bill."
You do not see daylight from November until May.
People shout, "I didn't do it!" when you walk into a room and think they're being hugely funny and original.
You've ever started a sentence with the phrase "We had this awesome dead body earlier. You should have seen it."
A week's worth of laundry consists of 5 T-shirts, 5 pairs of socks, and 5 pairs of underwear.
You've ever referred to Thursday as "My Monday".
You've ever written off guns and ammunition as a business deduction.
Anyone has ever said, "There are people killing other people out there and you are here messing with me."
Cop Quotes:
Relax; the handcuffs are tight because they’re new. They’ll stretch out after you wear them awhile.
Take your hands off the car, and I’ll make your birth certificate a worthless document.
If you run, you’ll only go to jail tired.
Can you run faster than 1,200 feet per second? In case you didn’t know, that is the average speed of a 9 mm bullet fired from my gun.
So you don’t know how fast you were going. I guess that means I can write anything I want on the ticket, huh?
Yes, Sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don’t think it will help. Oh … did I mention that I am the shift supervisor?
Warning! You want a warning? O.K., I’m warning you not to do that again or I’ll give you another ticket.
The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?
Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you go to ride on rides, eat cotton candy, and step in monkey poop.
Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven.
In God we trust, all others we run through NCIC.
Just how big were those two beers?
No sir we don’t have quotas anymore. We used to have quotas but now we’re allowed to write as many tickets as we want.
I’m glad to hear the Chief of Police is a good personal friend of yours. At least you know someone who can post your bail.
You didn’t think we give pretty women tickets? You’re right, we don’t. Sign here. |
_________________
I used to care, but I take a pill for that now.
Pushing buttons sure can be fun.
When a lion wants to go somewhere, he doesn’t worry about how many hyenas are in the way.
Paddle faster, I hear banjos. |
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Sat Apr 11, 2009 1:47 pm |
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twotap
F L I N T O I D
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| Ever hear the one where the State trooper pulls over a comely young lady for speeding and she attempts to get out of it by offering to buy several tickets to the policemans ball to which the Trooper replys sorry mam but State police dont have balls. |
_________________
"If you like your current healthcare you can keep it, Period"!!
Barack Hussein Obama--- multiple times. |
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Sat Apr 11, 2009 8:20 pm |
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BAH836
F L I N T O I D
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Did you hear about the man who was speeding? A state trooper
tried to pull him over. The man did not stop and the trooper started chasing him, lights and siren blazing. The man went faster and faster until they were doing over 100 miles an hour. Finally, he decided the trooper wasn't going to give up, so he slowed and stopped.
The trooper was livid until he asked the man why he ran when he saw the patrol car behind him. The man told the trooper his wife left him for a trooper and he was afraid the trooper was trying to bring her back. |
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Sat Apr 11, 2009 10:00 pm |
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rusty
F L I N T O I D
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Cop: Sir, have you been drinking? Your eyes look blurry.
Guy: No sir! Have you been eating donuts? Your eyes looked glazed... |
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Wed Apr 15, 2009 10:48 am |
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Dave Starr
F L I N T O I D
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Cop: Why did you run from me? You were going 120 mph for over 15 miles!!!
Guy: 3 months ago, my wife ran off with a cop. I was afraid you were trying to give her back. |
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I used to care, but I take a pill for that now.
Pushing buttons sure can be fun.
When a lion wants to go somewhere, he doesn’t worry about how many hyenas are in the way.
Paddle faster, I hear banjos. |
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Wed Apr 15, 2009 11:38 am |
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back again
F L I N T O I D
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that kid should be in commercials  |
_________________
even a small act of goodness may be a tiny raft of salvation across the treacherous gulf of sin, but one who drinks the wine of selfishness, and dances on the little boat of meaness, sinks in the ocean of ignorance.
P.Y. |
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Wed Apr 15, 2009 5:27 pm |
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